Emma Elizabeth

I swear sometimes i’m insane. I let ALOT of crap go to my head and I will OBSESS on what people will think about things I say. I must make this post because omg I’m going slightly insane that I’ve revealed I’m ‘intrigued’ by this new guy. I must clarify I’m intrigued because I still dont really understand why guys are interested in me. Sooo I become intrigued and even play around with the thought of dating said guy and mentally think about how it would all turn out. Sooooooo there ya go. I’m intrigued. But I’m thinking it would never work. Ok? Great.

There’s my disclaimer. lol.

I feel like everything I’ve written lately is just pure….randomness. But that’s how life usually ends up right? Ok anyways…

Plans are totally coming together for the Madison trip Well, all the finer details really. I’ll be arriving around 4′ish, where we will then immediately go and hit up the infamous State Street. Apparently there are a bunch off cool shops and whatnot, so we’re gonna do a lil of that before heading to the comedy club. Which OMG I’m SOOOOO excited for you have no idea. I love comedy. I love stand up. I love a great joke whether it be really dry or just really blatantly funny. (Speaking of comedy.. I tried looking for tickets to Kathy Griffin in Oct in Minneapolis… grr…. Sat is sold out and Sunday’s seats aren’t worth it for what they have left.) Ok- so Madison… comedy on Saturday night and then I’m guessing a bar or 2 following that and then Sunday morning is kinda an early wakeup so we can leave by 9am to head to Milwaukee for the Brewers game!!! I’m not gonna lie when I say I’m not a baseball fan whatsoever, cuz I’m not. BUT I love baseball atmosphere. And we’re tailgating!!!!! Honestly- I’ve never tailgated. Nope. Never. In highschool, IF people even did that- I was always on the cheerleading squad and was busy running laps, practicing and stunting before games. So yeah, I was at games an hour ahead of time, but it was never the fun part of the games for us cheerleaders.

>>>>side note: did I ever mention I was a cheerleader??? hmm… well I was. I was a cheerleader for 4 years, 3 in HS and for a year during 8th grade. I was varsity all 4 years and capt during my senior year. Granted, we werent the best squad ever. I can’t even really brag about it, but we were decent enough and finally got to do some of the cooler stunting during my senior year. From what I’ve heard though, after my senior year- the cheerleaders sucked and in 2005, our HS stopped having the squad. It seems most people, who know me now, are surprised I was a cheerleader. Maybe more surprising was that I was a competition dancer for 5 years as well. I actually stopped dancing because I was sick of my team winning. No really. Every competition we would compete in, we’d win first for at least one of our routines and second for our other routine if not placing first. It was just tiring to be at competitions for an entire day only to know you were gonna win. The plan was to take a break for a year and then pick it up again when I got to HS…. which never happened. <<<<end side note.

So anyways- we’re tailgating!!!! I’m so excited. There will be tons of pics of course! Hopefully I will be able to post some here, of course that aren’t revealing who I am. I at least like to pretend this blog is totally anonymous minus the selected few who know me in real life. I’m so excited though for all the pics, that when I was at the Mall of America yesterday, there’s this amazing scrapbooking store, Archivers, that has a vast array of stickers and papers and whatever you could possibly want. So I got some stickers so I can scrapbook this wknd’s events right away

Those are just the few that were still on the table. I love the WI stickers. Archivers has state stickers for all 50 states as well as some major travel destinations like London and such. I could spend a fortune in that store, so I really tried to limit my broke self into only $25 worth of stickers and paper.

Speaking of the MOA…. my brother didn’t end up coming. I was sorta disappointed, but I understand that he had just been there the previous day and isn’t a major shopper. I dont think his skanky whiny girlfriend had anything to do with him not coming, though I’m sure she made it a point to remind him she esp took yesterday off to be with him (thinking he was getting his phone that day and she wanted to be with him. Dont ask. Who knows. It’s just a phone.)

SPEAKING of which…. I got my blackberry!!! So far its major cool, but I’m sure I was inducing carpal tunnel when I was adding in all my contacts. I just have on tiny question for you BB users- I added my gmail to my phone so I would be alerted when I got new emails, but when I get a new email- it also sends me a text message saying the same thing. Um… although normally that would be ok, I only signed up for 400txts so far until I adjust to how many texts I’ll be using. Previously on my razr, I would’ve stayed under 400 (yeahhh I’m not a huge texter… I like my instant messengers/facebook) but now that I have my Blackberry…. texting may become more frequent. So anyways- how to I stop getting text alerts saying I have new email, when really I can see just as easily that I have a new email.???? Currently, I’ve deleted my email on my BB because A) I can access my email thru my BB browser and B) I dont wanna use useless texts.

If you’ve read this far… good for you! Sorry this is getting long. Lots to update and say! One major update- is that I’ve decided to get another blog. Gasp!!! I knooooww. Not another one Emma… I know. Trust me. I know. No- this is a personal blog (for now) that will be just talking about my journey to a new healthy me. Yeah I’ve signed up for WW online and I’ve only lost around 10lbs on it. Mostly because I’m not taking it seriously and second because I’m losing my #1 support- myself. I dont take the time to reflect on my choices and I’ve basically stopped planning my food and being OP for all you familiar with WW. Ohhh- and I actually got offered to come to a info session on working for Slim4Life. Honestly I had never heard of them until I saw a job ad on careerbuilder.com. I actually thought it’d be the perfect job- Weightloss Coach, because I feel I am a better motivator and support person than an example. For one- I need to be more of an example and two- their system sucks. I dont believe in it and I didn’t return their calls because I can’t be apart of something I dont believe in. Ok so really… I’m doing something for me. A blog for me. For now. I really do honestly plan on sharing it with all of you at some point. And I know- whyyy share this info now then? well… not sure. But I feel like it’s an important move for me. I think I reflect and analyze and hash out all my feelings (for the most part) on here… but there’s just that other issue of food/body image/fear of judgement that is …hmm… not for here?? Idk. I dont want this to be one of those sappy omg I hate my body blogs. Because really- I’ve come a LONG way to accepting myself/my body. Sooo… yeah. New journey/old journey here I come. Oh and I got the idea from Roni from Ronisweigh. She’s amazing and I LOVE her blog(s). She has an awesome food blog called Greenlitebites.  AWESOME I tell you. She’s made WW work for her and she’s so inspiring and so real. She’s one of those people who are real about it. Real in the sense that WW isn’t for everyone, that everyone has a different way going about losing weight/being healthy etc. Anyways- so I love her blog(s). She has a TON of amazing info on there. Ok ANYWAYS…..

If you’ve made it this far I have a secret that probably is the worst kept secret to a few people. So remember when I went to Collegetown for a mini-reunion with my fabulous friends??? Well I ended up randomly meeting a friend of a friend who is also alumni from our alma mater. Prior to our arrival, Roxy informed me that CDawg came with 3 guys. One was gay, one was taken and one was single. (Seriously- there was a show like this once. I forget what station had it on though. Same ordeal though and the girl had to date each one and guess which one was which.) anyhoo… So I got to the hotel before Roxy. Now, CDawg is cool, but we’re more friends when we’re with Roxy. So CDawg invited me up to her and the guys’ room while we waited for Rox. I was apprehensive because I’m seriously quiet around new people/new situations. But I went up there. I IMMEDIATELY knew who was who. I was MOST ammused at SingleGuy though. I walked in and he was casually lounging on the bed stomach down and browsing his computer. When he saw me he quickly became a little flustered and was struggling to find a sitting position to appear calm and collected. It was this that I knew the night would be at least sorta interesting. He didn’t disappoint my assumptions in the least. He was pretty obvious he was interested. And I won’t forget when Roxy whispered that I could easily take him back to my hotel room that night. I’m not that kind of girl so I didn’t. Reasons why I’m intrigued though- he’s really kinda dorky. And I kinda like dorky. Well, at first. I really like me some assertive guys though and I’m not sure this one could attain the assertiveness I like. Second- he made me laugh. Laugh in the way that….idk. I was at ease. Before that wknd, I was major stressed from work and life in general, so I was really needing my friend wknd. Everything that I was stressed over- melted. Just because he made me laugh. Mostly about work. And just some of the quirky stuff he said. But y’all… he’s dorky. and not hot, but not bad looking? idk. I think he’d be like one of those guys I end up hurting though in the long run. Take for example my last attempt at a relationship. Granted there were ALOT of things wrong with it to begin with, esp the point of life I was in at the time…. but I’m pretty sure I was a big blow to his ego. I felt bad most of all because his sister said I was the best thing that happened to him, which he had been kinda down about life because things werent really going his way in work, school etc. And I come along and things are good again. Then the DAY after she tells me all this- I break up with him? Yeahh…. well without the details- He was too nice (and to find out later- CRAZY) and I was…. hmm….. idk. We didn’t communicate well and I think he saw me differently than who I was then. What happened was though- he was too into me and I get tired of that sorta thing when I can’t return the feelings. Not saying that that would happen with this other guy, but I have the sense that it would only work for a short time. SOOO there’s my horribly kept secret, which I KNOW Roxy will have some thoughts to share lol. (And don’t you dare tell CDawg, Roxy!) Stupid thing is- I never got his number that wknd and when it would’ve been appropriate to obtain it, I was dealing with my Grandpa’s death and all that family stuff. But he did mention he has twitter, so I searched his name and added him to mine. And who’s all on twitter??? Come follow me!!! I’d post my Twitter name, but due to stalkers- I dont wanna put it out there. Comment me and I’ll comment back with my name. I’m slowly getting into it.

Ok. This is LONG. I’m planning on posting my Payitfoward Contest thing. I’ve decided to make it a spa-related contest. So the winner will be getting my fav products for spa type things More to come on that though.

Sooo…. I told ya so. I totally jumped the gun when I bought my new computer cuz here I am, sitting in my living room typing on my old computer. I’m half pissed/half amused. Pissed because now I really wanna just return my new computer and also because $17 fixed my old one. Amused.. well basically because $17 fixed my computer issues. I haven’t really played around with my new computer to know if I like it or not. Its alot different from my Gateway and the fact that its Vista and not XP. Idk. I’m really opposed to change. Not gonna lie. It’s kinda an issue when things change for me when it isnt necessary or wanted. Soooo this new computer impulse buy? Issue.. Bro’s first reaction was- whyyyy would you return your new computer? Wellll I have issues with impulse buys. I end up having that little thing called buyer’s remorse. Ugh. Soooo seriously- return new laptop? Keep new laptop?? Can I even return new laptop?? The only thing I’ve installed is AIM. hmm…. $800 mistakes suck. Idk. Maybe I’m so used to this laptop though. Almost 3 years with this model. ugh. tell me though. return or keep?

Ok.. well I’m not sure if I have any real posting news here. I’m still sick. I’m still wheening myself off the rediculously awesome nasal spray which keeps me breathing better than when I’m not sick. I still have absolutely NO desire to see/hangout with G.F. Bro is going with me to the MOA tomorrow to get my Blackberry (even though he’s been there for the past 2wknds). Apple @MOA doesn’t have the iPhone he wants yet. Maybe tomorrow? Either way he says he’ll “probably” come with, so he will and I’ll still get my new phone! YAY!

Oh- posting my resume has turned out beneficial. I got a call on Friday from a lady who wants to speak with me about possible positions. I forget what company- but heck, I was just excited people are actually seeking me out instead of vice versa.

Things have gotten increasingly better at work. I no longer completely dread going. It greatly helps that I get along really well with my newest boss (we seem to go thru store managers like water). I was shocked to find out he’s actually almost a year younger than me. He’s very take charge and really gets things done. I really like that he was picked to be our store manager. I was rooting for him the whole time, knowing he would be the breath of fresh air our store needed. Was I right? Definately. Ever since B stepped down as store manager- the atmosphere is not as negative as it once was. There is alot less backstabbing going on and alot less gossip among managers. The only thing I really hate is that there are some decisions being made for our store that is not being communicated. A former store manager made it a point to ask every manager’s opinion on something. For example, we’re in the process of promoting more managers. Formerly, there would have been some suggestions as to who we wanted to see promoted, but now this decision is being made by 3 people. idk. perhaps I’m offended because my opinion is greatly taken into consideration and now??? They dont even bother to ask. Yeahhhh I’m leaving and dont even hide the fact I’m openly looking for a new job, but really? They are making some DUMB choices. They’re letting this one guy in the manager class and he is just definately not mgr material. Apparently CoWorker and I share the same views on alot of things lately and one is that decision. We both dont wanna see him in the class, BUT apparently Supervisor and Store Mgr like him enough to move him up. He’s a cocky asshole who is actually in jail right now and does everything to get his way or get by with doing less at work. anyhoo…. I have people scouting my resume

So- hope everyone is having a FABULOUS wknd. Even though tomorrow is Sunday (day before Monday yikes!) I’m excited. Squeeeee! New phone! Finally no more Razr and hello Blackberry And I hope Apple has Bro’s phone too so we can both have new phones tomorrow

Ciao!

Hey y’all! I’m back! I am officially on my new laptop! Its still MAJOR weird to be on it. The touchpad is ALOT different from my previous 2 laptops- very touchy this time around. I think there’s a setting thing though for it. But yay! New computer!

As for updates… well I emailed GF why I was mad at him and the whole drinking thing. He came into my work tonight and honestly- I was less than thrilled to see him. For some reason I see him in a waaaay different light now and really just see him as pathetic. I had nothing to say to him. He invited me to some whatever thing tonight and even if I wouldn’t have to work at 4:30am tomorrow- I still wouldn’t go. Idk. Something has changed between us. It’ll take awhile before we’re back to being friends like we were again.

Anyhoo….. I’m exhausted. I would love to write a real post but seriously- exhausted. I even debated how much I wanted to set up my computer tonight that’s how tired I am. And to be to work by 4:30am tomorrow? YUCK. Plus idiot and his gf brought the Wii upstairs and I swear to god they will be done by 9′ish pm because I’m not listening to her whiny ass yell and scream and whine all night while playing Wii.

Goodnight lovelies!

Scatterbrained post will include: Laptop, new phone, Madison plans, etc. Its long so skip around

My new laptop has SHIPPED!!! Which means I will get it at the EARLIEST of today! But more than likely on Friday! So I’m super excited! No more desktop a la parentals! However I have to admit, that I’m not excited about the new computer. Say whaat? I know. But really… my old one was just fine for what I use it for (basic email/internet) and the ONLY reason I got a new one was because my computer refused to charge. Its the fact that I didn’t give other options a chance. ie AFTER I customized a new laptop and charged it to my credit card, I searched for a new AC adapter thinking that quite possibly that’s the only thing wrong. OR how about the THREE DOLLAR part for the port connection for charging? So really… when my adapter comes (and if that solves the problem) I could’ve solved it for a mere $20 instead of $800 new laptop. Sooo… I jumped the gun and I have a feeling I made an $800 mistake. And I know that a new laptop is gonna be awesome and sleek and yay me! BUT its the fact that it might not have been necessary let alone very unplanned. meh… such is life I guess…

BUT ANYHOO!!!! Another awesome thing coming up in less than 4 days- I get my new phone!!!!! I’m so excited. I’m getting the Blackberry Curve so I can be updated with the rest of the world instead of  my lame-o Razr. The only thing is that I have some pics on my razr that I want to keep (for sentimental reasons that I just really need to get over) but I dont have pix messaging. So… they might be lost forever. Booo… And with this whole new phone thing- I’m apparently 23 and can’t do things on my own but I’m basically major upset that Bro is planning on not going with me now. See- the plan was to go to the Mall of America so we could stop at Verizon (never get them! they’re way too expensive! and you can find better deals!), cancel our plans, then make a mad dash for the Apple store where he’ll be getting his iPhone (and spending-gahh!- NINTY dollars a month for service) then over to Tmobile where I’m getting my BB. BUT The upsetting part comes in the fact that Bro is scared MN won’t have any of the specific one he wants come Sunday (our cancel date) and therefore he wants to go Sat with the gf and get it. Which is FINE… BUT…the whole original plan was for us to do this together. Its the fact that once again he chooses his gf over his sister. Its the fact that we dont do anything together anymore and I was looking forward to us going. I mean yeah, there’s a tmobile dealer that would have my BB like 30mins away, but what’s another 10mins to the MOA and better shopping? I dont mind going to the MOA alone, but I guess that’s one place where I’d rather have a shopping buddy. And can’t take mi madre because omg she bitches on any money I spend even though I am fully making every monthly loan payment to her as we agreed. idk. I’m just mad that also Bro agreed to going Sun if the gf can come, which I agreed to. Because honestly, I can shop alone, but I’d like for someone to at least be in the vacinity that I know. Am I rediculously weird yet? I feel I have a legit reason to be upset about this. Oh and I guess I’m more upset because at work I actually talked to his gf and was being nice (for once) and was saying “so I guess you’re coming with on Sunday?” and she tries to put me in my place by saying (and mentally read this in a really whiny voice) “Ummmmm NO. Bro and I are going SATURDAY NOT SUNDAY to get his iPhone. Because, like, when I got my new phone, he like, came with ME and our deal was he got to play with MY phone on the way back from the mall and when he gets his, I get to play with it on the way back. So NO we’re going Sat and not Sunday. This is the deal. I dont know what you’re talking about.” So I;m like- riiiight. well you need to go talk to Bro because this isn’t the deal. (Which is fucking true. Because our cancel date is Sunday.) Shes like- “ohhhh I WILL talk to Bro about this.”

Bitch.

I tried to be nice. I did. I said she could come with. I talked to her at work. I made conversation. What pisses me off most is that she thinks she OWNS him. No lie. She thinks she has CONTROL. ugghhhh… Please tell me I’m not totally insane over this. Would you be upset?

————————————–End Rant—————————————-

My Madison trip is getting complicated y’all. That’s another frustrating thing. Obviously not as much as the above story, but it turns out plans are falling thru on the end of the girl who was planning it. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m crazy in needing concrete plans a month in advance for a wknd like this. I’m not really a on-the-fly kinda girl. So basically we still have no plans. Well, we do, but her and her friend are pretty much not coming. I’m still going though. Cuz darn it, I took the wknd off and I’m gonna have me some adventure with Roxy! So the plan is to attend a Brewers game and then hit up a comedy club later that night. I’m super excited for both because I haven’t been to a baseball game all summer yet and comedy?? Love it.  Speeeaking of which…. Kathy Griffin is coming to Minneapolis this fall and I wanna go. I love her show My Life on the D-List. Butttt who else likes her? Hazel? Hoochie? Roxy??? Wanna go? hmm… maybe that’ll be the next plan for Girls Wknd Get Together. Sorry. Side thoughts. But anyways… Madison. YAY!!! Next wknd! Those are the plans. They’re not set in stone yet since we are STILL waiting for confirmation from our friend and her friend. (Wisco, have you been to the comedy club? like it?)

OK. sorrry this is long as ever. I have a TON of post ideas floating in my head. Oh and quick product placement and review:

Ok… so right now I have a slight onset of a cold. The other day I was sneezing like crazy all day and by midnight I was sitting in my office at work barely breathing. Yesterday I bought Afrin nasal spray. I have never tried a nasal spray before (the thought of it just seems weird), but this stuff is AMAZING. In a matter of like 2mins, I was breathing better than I was well… than EVER. I think I’ve mentioned before that I dont normally breathe right cuz I’m guessing I really do have a deviated septum. I kept dramatizing my breathing and my mom kept looking at me like I was retarded. But MOM…. I can breathe now. Ok. So seriously- next time you have a stuffed nose/runny nose etc, TRY THIS! And for the first time, the 12hr relief was really a 12hr relief. To hell with regular OTC meds- I’ll stick with this thank you.

So… I hunkered down and bought a new laptop. That was a week ago. Status? In production. Also, it will approximately be shipped out on the 25th, which means it might get here by the 30th. Honestly, that doesn’t really work out for me and I just wish I could cancel the order because I can get basically the same computer (minus a few specs) at Best buy CHEAPER by like $200 right now. Upsetting. However I dont think I can cancel my order can I??

But to update you with what’s going on in Emma World you get BULLETS!!!!!!!!!!!

• Things with GF are……nothing really. I still haven’t really talked to him, but did briefly the day before his reunion and I was kinda short with him and whatnot. I ended up going to the family BBQ and texting him while I was on my way that I wasn’t going with him. He later asked if I was mad at him and I replied “All you do is drink and its become too excessive for me.” He texted back with a “wow i’m sorry I’ll stop drinking”… and the next day left me a lengthy voicemail on how sorry he is and I’m the last person he wants mad at him and how he wants me in his life blah blah blah. I’ve been too busy to reply/call and not really knowing what to say so I’m leaving it for the moment.
• B up and quit on Saturday. In fact, called our boss at 5:30am and told him she was walking out because she’s been shafted at work too much and opening a restaurant with only 2 people in the store topped it off for her. I have to say I completely understand both sides of the story, but its kinda weird not having her at work anymore.
• Speaking of quitting and all that…. basically around 6 people are done within 2wks or by Aug 1st. My boss literally begged me to stay yesterday. He said- Emma, I’ll cry if you want me to cry. Really. Right now Emma, I’ll cry right now if you want.  lol… He asks me every other day about my job search. Which leads me to….
• I have a job interview tomorrow!!!!! For what? I actually have NO IDEA. I know what company its for, but thanks Monster.com for not letting me view the description in preparation just because the position “expired” on your site. Seriously. out of all the job sites I’m on…. I can always view the description even if it expired. Monster? no. The title of the position doesnt help. It says Daytime Hours. I remember that… and it being a good job, so now I have to do this interview on the fly and BS my way thru it all while appearing smart and the winning candidate. ugh! BUT like my last interview- the interviewee knows my former boss. So weird.
• WW….. ohhhh WW…… I suck at it.  What can I say, I love me some food and have fallen off the good eating path and eat like I used to (to an extent). Basically, ok, I drink too much damn pop, which for you on WW or familiar with it- that’s 3 points for one can. AND when you only get 28pts a day…. and like 2 cans of pop a day… that’s 6 points of stuff you should be eating not drinking. So… I got to a # I haven’t seen in awhile and then over the holiday wknd- I was up 2 pounds. WHICH…. my next point…
• I read a blogger who writes about WW. I love her blog and her topics are interesting, but she is OBSESSED if the scale goes up .5 lb. I get really irritated because .5 of a lb???? Seriously that could be water weight or the time of day you’re weighing yourself. BUT… I find now that I’m seeing lower #’s myself… I really tend to get on myself about a pound or 2. Soooo….. Im refraining from pop now and really watching portions and all that.
• What else….. I’m still SLOWLY accepting Skank. *Bro’s gf. We had a 2min conversation last night at work. Ahem- I wanted to see her Blackberry because hiiiiii July 20th- I get my very own BB Curve!!!!! And I wanted to check the features before buying. It was weird, but that was literally the longest convo we’ve had. AND…. I’m SLOWLY being ok with actually looking her in the face. I can’t say there still arent a thousand moments I wanna punch her in the face… but… progress people. I’m crazy.

Ok… wellllll…. I’m still blogging… just not as much as I’d like to. My mom throws a fit when I delete all history/cookies on her computer so this is like a contraband post! I’m still reading everyone though! Lurking ALOT since I cant comment and whatnot because my stalker mother will be like- What’s THIS? Anyways… I hope to post here and there while I’m waiting for my new laptop. My Gateway DIED. But I’m also ordering some parts for the dead thing in hopes of repairing it myself. Ie- a new AC adapter and potentially a new port for the power supply thinger. So if that actually fixes my POS laptop- I’m gonna be major pissed $25 fixed it when I spent $800 on a new laptop. WHICH IS TAKING FOREVER TO GET HERE. ugh…

oh yeah- and Madison, WI is where I’ll be at the end of this month I’m soooo excited! New laptop, new Blackberry AND a friend wknd! (and cross your fingers- hopefully a new JOB by then too!)

ciao!!!
Emma

I am blogging via my parents computer. AKA- the computer my mother will use to stalk the hell out of what I do in the internet world. Um… and I’m quite sure she doesn’t need to know I blog for all the world to see. Grrr…..

Anyhoo….This might make Nablopomo a lil hard. You see, my computer has officially gone off to computer hell (not heaven, because it has failed me after only several months). It wont charge to save its soul. I have to hold the plug-in in weird directions that cramp my hand and dont allow for typing. Soooo………idk. I dont really wanna spend the money for a new computer, but I fear I will have to sooner or later.

And Nablopomo? July’s topic is food. So my food topic today is how my family is having a bbq at my grandma’s on Saturday, only I had promised to go to GF’s HS reunion that day. Considering how I dont even wanna talk to him right now… I’m hoping he wont contact me at all this week, therefore I wont be guilted into going and will have free reign to join my family for the BBQ!!!

I have a feeling it’s gonna be a long road in front of me and Guy Friend. Truth is, we’re still friends and alcohol (for now) isn’t going to ruin that.

Being that it’s Sunday, I didn’t get around to even looking at my phone until after noon. I had 2 missed calls, both of which were from GF. He called twice within abou 45mins of each other, so I called him back. I wasn’t thrilled to be calling him…. but I did. He answers all excited, which makes me less excited. “EMMA! Come over right now. Whatcha doin? I’m chillin’ here, laying out in the sun with Denise and Steve. Come over and have some drinks with us and hang out.” At that, I wanted to hang up and throw my phone against my wall. It wasn’t even 1pm and he was drinking. Knowing better- I asked him just exactly how long he’s been drinking today. “Since 7am” was his reply. Uh huh. Cuz that makes me wanna go over there, knowing he’s drunk already. I said I would potentially come over later and not right away. At this he got mad. Mad like- serious mad. Not mad like I’m gonna throw a fit so you come over, no mad like- he DEMANDED that I come over right this second.

Demanded.

Excuse me? NO ONE demands that I do anything. Because what? I come over then he’d whine that I was being ‘boring’ and demand I liven up. Um…. no. I dont perform for people’s entertainment.

I’m just a lil lost right now. I know, based on how we are with each other, that there’s gonna be a lil blowup this week sometime regarding his drinking. I’m supposed to go to his HS reunion July 5th as his date. Honestly, he has to know that I do enjoy hanging out with him, but the excessive drinking? Has to stop. His drinking at 7am this morning was more than likely because he’d been drinking all last night (one of the bars he goes to had its 4th Anniversary night- tons of drink specials etc.). So I’m guessing he got pretty smashed last night and instead of riding out the hangover, he just grabbed another beer like last wknd. Right now, for the past week, every time I hear sirens I say a lil prayer that its not him hurt in a car accident or something. He drives while drunk and usually has at least 3 beers with him in the car a majority of the time. At this point, I’m scared to ride in the car with him. Not so much in town (he’s never been drunk while driving me anywhere), but he always wants to go to the cities (an hour or more away) and its those times where I dont wanna go. And haven’t.

Anyways.. if you’ve made it thru reading all that…….. I’m looking for a new computer. The current POS one I have is a Gateway M275 which I had thru school because we leased them and after graduation we bought them out for a whole $25. I liked this model when we first got them (3 years ago), but now? Eh…. it works for me, but the charger won’t charge the battery and the battery lasts maybe 25mins. My biggest struggle is that the charger.. um… port? won’t really connect the adapter. I dont think the problem is the adapter, but the computer itself. Back in school, I went thru 3 of these models and 4 charger adapters (they’d overheat or the piece would disconnect). Soooo I’m not a huge fan of these. So what computer do you have? Like it? How much did you spend?

*That’s another thing…. $$$…… July I have a loan payment (to my mother) and buying my new Blackberry! (eeekk! I’m so excited! goodbye razr!) and then hotel room costs for the next Alumni Friend Meetup July 25-27th. Then August 4th? Car insurance due. ugh….. good thing I’m living at home! But even with that, I’m not sure I can afford a new laptop. I’m looking at $700-$750. Hopefully for something decent.

Oh and the loan thing…… Once again I’m a spoiled brat and mommy paid it off. I’m one lucky girl. So by mommy dearest paying it off- I have no more building interest costs. Granted, I dont get the loan credit for paying it off on my own…. but I’ll worry about building my credit later. Perhaps with a new laptop? But anyways… so I sill have loan payments, per say, but I’m depositing the “payment” into a separate account that is to become the amount I now owe my parents. However, I’m not really a spoiled brat and I think 99% of people who know me will testify to that. I’m pretty down to earth.

Mkay. ciao!

Is it Saturday? Really? nooo wait. I’m posting this at 1-something a.m. ok. sooo… really? It’s Sunday? wow.

This week has gone by entirely too fast and too slow all at the same time. Lets check out my life lessons this week:

• Guy Friend has become an alcoholic and right now I’m a) creeped out about it in the sense that he hangs on me when drunk b) angry about it c)want nothing to do with him right now.
• I had my first real interview on Wednesday. Self fulfilling prophecy is def the way to go. If you believe you will get offered the position and you go in confident, chances are, it just might happen. And I can’t believe I pulled off 2 hours in an interview. There were a few dumb moments, not gonna lie, but I must’ve done something right to get offered a position.
• On Thursday, it was 2weeks after the funeral. Its still strange and I’m sorry if I will mention it, but it’s pretty damn life changing.
• Somewhere along the week I found some motivation to get a new workout routine. It starts, uh, today!
• I’m super excited about what Heather is going to announce soon! And I’m glad to have helped her in any way I did today thru myspace messages

Idk… those were just a few things. But in the sense of things… the week felt like forever has passed. Like I came out of this week just feeling more… grown up? Knowledgeable? hmm… I had some pretty great conversations this week. One in particular because it felt good to finally vocalize my true thoughts on something. The reality of it there is nothing but curiosity; however, I think others will think a certain way about it even though its not like that. But I would like it to be like that??? Damn. I need to talk that one out more with The Therapist aka my friend Hoochie. (Thanks Hooch for always listening to my irrational thoughts!)

Anyhoo……. July is soon approaching. Gahhh…. I graduated in December WHAT? It’s JULY? yeah. that’s how I’m feeling. Emma’s Life Plan Timeline is faultering at a fast pace… but whatcha gonna do? I’m excited for this month though. It’ll go by fast, I know that much, but hopefully alot will be accomplished. Yay for the last weekend in July Alumni Friend Meet-up again! Madison, WI style

and it’s called… Help Emma Decide.

So I’m planning on calling the guy back tomorrow. Basically I’ve made up my mind. But… let’s run thru a list of pros and cons.

Pros:

• Super relaxed atmosphere. (I’m sure I could find an atmosphere I would like just about anywhere else than my current job)
• You are 90% your own boss.
• Potential to make a crapload of money. IF you are good at conning people into buying things selling.
• Flexible schedule. There is no set time you have to come into work 3 days a week. 2 days are actually spent in meetings though.
• Kick ass incentives like trips to cool places around the world.
• Renewals. After 13mo, you get 10% of all commissions you made the year before. That gets paid to you monthly. ie. he said one person was making 10k without doing anything each month.
• It is a credible company. They’ve been around for 128 years.

Cons:

• Non-structured environment. Lets face it, I LOVE structure.
• You are your own boss. That’s great and all- but you are TOTALLY responsible for everything. hmm…
• POTENTIAL to make money. I’ve never sold a product in my life. And I dont think it would be something I would want to do for a month let alone more than a year.
• You are constantly on the phone finding potential clients to set up appts with.
• You MUST attend 6 appts a day (the 3 days you’re out on appts)
• No typical benefits like insurance etc. Because you are your own boss. essentially.
• Advertising. YOU pay this out of your own pocket. This means, if you wanna send out flyers and whatever with your name on it- you pay for all postage. They provide the flyers, but thats it. He said something like people typically spend $500. Um….how about no?
• You have to drive to all appts. You go to THEM they don’t come to you. Um… gas money anyone?
• I would have to pay for my own licensing. Makes sense I guess? But the company my friend works for paid for hers.
• Working with my former boss. She’s kinda crazy.
• You work SOLELY on commission.
• I understand there is probably some importance to buy Long term Care policies… but at the age of 23, I dont quite see it. If I dont believe in what I’m selling, why would I expect them to?
• That’s a whole other issue…. Me? Selling? yuck. Ok. well maybe. But not in the sense that I would basically be a door to door salesman by going to other’s homes for appts. At least that’s what I’d feel like. Very 1950’s salesman, except I wouldn’t be lugging around a vacuum cleaner or something.

So….I think in the moments following my interview- I was like- “oh I could do that!” and I think I was livin’ on the high that I nailed my first interview and landed a job. I even made some points during the interview that he planned on bringing up in their meeting. He’s like- “that is a fantastic point!” as he grabs his notebooks with mtg ideas on it. I really thought he was being sarcastic about the point I made, but he was serious.

Anyways…. I’m gonna decline the offer. I need something with structure. I mean, look at when I took a once a week class in college- I slacked off majorly because it was up to me to get it done and I had no one to answer to for a week. I can’t handle the thought of selling crap in that manner. Going to their house for appts? No thanks. And the fact of working for commission only? He made a good point that it’s purely psychological in how we think of it (a paycheck), but there’s really no stability. Former boss not seeming too happy about the job and kept shrugging her shoulders at every question I had? Sent signs to me.

So…. on with the happy trails of finding a job.